At a Crossroad.

As of late, my life has been the picture of happiness. It seemed as though nothing could bring me down. For once I wasn't depressed, or angry, or worried. I was perfectly content with just smiling. Thats what my life has come down to now- smiling. But always in the back of my mind there has been this constant nagging feeling. I've been content to not be drowning in my sorrows, but my subconcious has been yearning for more than just... this. I need more than this, and to most around me right now, that statement must seem ridiculous- my schedule has been so packed this year, I've barely been able to pencil in room to breath. But what I mean is something bigger.
Some knowledge that is needed of myself, is that God is the number one priority in my life. And I feel as though He is pulling me to be so much more than what I am, but the position I am now is unable to grow.
I want to make a difference. I want to go on mission trips- Swaziland, Honduras, Zimbabwe. I want to preach my Saviors word in the streets, but I am so fearful that what I say won't matter. I want to help stop homelessness, to help fight the spread of AIDS. But my constant anchor is that all I am is me. And yet I yearn to be so much more. I know that I am meant to be so much more.
And so I'm stuck.
I'm afraid to let go of the clutter that is dragging me down, and afraid to walk away from this life, and being just me. I'm afraid to go out and do and be more.
All I can do is pray.
And I need to thank God not only for what I could be, but for what I am.
Though I am self concious, I like myself.
It's taken me a long time to get here, but I do.
I like myself.
Maybe thats my first step into being something more.